The following were actual label instructions on consumer goods. They've been doing the rounds on the net for a while, but in case you missed them ...
On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping".
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how???)
On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But it's just a suggestion!)
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert(printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought????...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nobby's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
(Perhaps we should blame parents rather than the company for this one?)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)